If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
