It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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