16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
