I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
