i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
