This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
