Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
