just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's like iHOP with fire
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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