The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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