i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
