i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
