I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
