he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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