well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
