Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
