and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
