dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
