I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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