My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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