I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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