nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
