i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
