u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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