my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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