all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
