she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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