Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
