So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
