My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My ATM looks so different sober.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
