so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
soo... how was my night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
