Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
