I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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