batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
