Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
