Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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