I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
