I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
