smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
