I feel like I'm in dance class right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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