We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
