So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
