I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
