he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
