Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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