so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
