she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I faked an abortion last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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