I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
