oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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