guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
