You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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