garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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